I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
