The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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