I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize