the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
