I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
