peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the condom got lost in my hair
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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