Someone shit on the floor
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
