The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
