Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
