The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
