who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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