I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
