Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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