Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
