I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize