There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
