I wish I only lived at night.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
