I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
