Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
vagina is talking i cant
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize