The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
