i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
