Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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