Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize