some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
