He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
