PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
