we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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