I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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