If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
