There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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