Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Houston, we have a squirter
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
