i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He better not be in your backpack
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
