god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
