A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
