My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
