dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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