Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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