Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
