I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
