:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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