If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
