Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
