So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
send nudes
from the living room?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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