he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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