Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
