3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Randomize
