im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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