I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
