WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
