You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
