ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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