My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
