He had one of those small greek statue penises
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
