Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
