Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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