it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize