Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
