I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
