After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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