fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
