I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
