my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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