you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
