Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
