just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
