i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
