Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
