We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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