Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
