i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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